Have you ever watched a show and heard a term and wondered "Is that real?" and then found out that yes, it is real, and also how had you not heard it before considering it applies to you?
In this episode of Chicago Med, a young boy is treated by Dr. Scott for a head injury accidentally inflicted by his brother, who was previously diagnosed with ADHD. Dr. Scott asks Dr. Charles to check in on the family because he sees an unusual dynamic, but can't quite figure it out. The injured brother eventually reveals that he knew that if he pushed his brother to a certain point, he would lash out and hurt him and that he wanted him to do so so that his parents would pay attention to him for a change. Dr. Charles takes two things away from this: one, that the ADHD brother is likely misdiagnosed and two, that the injured brother is experiencing Glass Child Syndrome. The simplest way to describe Glass Child Syndrome is to think of the expression "the squeaky wheel gets the oil" and replace the wheels with children and the oil with the parents' attention.
My brother was a VERY squeaky wheel when we were growing up. (Don't worry - I asked him if he was OK with me writing this!) When he was a toddler, he would disassemble his window and we'd find him outside when we thought he was napping in his room. In kindergarten, he didn't feel like catching the school bus and attempted to take an impromptu hike home instead. Thankfully, a police officer helped him cross the highway during his six-mile journey. Not a lot was known about ADHD at the time so my parents threw massive amounts of energy into paying attention to my brother. Oh, red dyes are bad this week. Is he taking his Ritalin? How is his behavior at school? Is he taking something apart in the house? Is he even in the house? Keep him occupied so he doesn't get into anything. We had kid leashes before kid leashes were cool haha.
Not only did I feel invisible, but I felt it was my duty to remain so. My brother needed help. I didn't have a diagnosis with little info to go on. He did. I must always behave. I must always be quiet. I must never have problems. I put these duties on my own shoulders as a child. It was too much, but it was my normal. I was "the easy kid."
Being a glass child has significantly impacted my adulthood. There's a lot of pain and questioning one's value. It's especially frustrating because no one is at fault so it can't be dismissed as "oh, well they were just jerks" or anything like that. They were trying to be good parents to my brother and there are only so many hours in the day. I was too good at my job.
I love my family. I hate the pain. Sometimes, that's just life. If you know a family who may be in a situation where one child needs significant attention compared to the other sibling(s), try talking to the kid who isn't getting as much attention. Give them an outlet. Invite them over. If needed, discretely and gently help nudge the parents into being aware of the impact that the lion's share of attention on one child is having on the other child. And if you think you may be raising a glass child, please know that it's never too late to SEE your child. Ask them how they are and keep asking until you get full answers because I can tell you the default answer is one word: "fine." Spend time with them one-on-one. You got this.
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